I'm not Shyness, I am Social Anxiety

I still remember the knot that twisted in my stomach each time the teacher called me. My palms got sweat, my heart immediately began to race, and my mind went blank. The classroom, which moments earlier felt ordinary, suddenly seemed suffocating. Everyone’s eyes—at least in my perception—were piercing through me, judging on the mistakes that I will be making. And that wasn’t the worst part. For the rest of the day, I would replay the event in my mind, convinced that everyone thought I was foolish. This wasn’t an isolated incident. Every time I had to raise my hand or speak up, I felt the same paralyzing fear.

This is a true story of me, it was my first encounter with what I would later come to understand as Social Anxiety—a condition that doesn’t just make you shy but traps you in a cycle of self-doubt, fear, and avoidance.

Picture from Hospital, D. M. (2023, April 7). 8 WAYS TO COPE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY IN KIDS | Kmh Health blog. Kmh Health Blog. https://www.drkmh.com/blogs/8-ways-to-cope-with-social-anxiety-in-kids/

What is Social Anxiety?

Social Anxiety, or social phobia, is more than just being shy or introverted. It is an intense fear or being judged, humiliated, or rejected in social situations. This excessive fear can be so overwhelming that it interferes with daily life, perceiving non-threatening situations as threats. Cognitively, people with social anxiety often fall into patterns of negative thinking, such as “What if I say something stupid?” or “Everyone will think I’m boring.” These thoughts create a feedback loop of fear and avoidance, reinforcing the anxiety over time. (Stein & Stein, 2008)

Recognizing the Signs

Social anxiety manifests in various ways both psychological and physical:

• Physical: sweating, blushing, trembling, or a racing heart.

• Psychological: avoiding social situations, rehearsing conversations excessively before and after the event, intense self-consciousness, fear of criticism, or persistent worry about future social interactions.

(Social Anxiety Disorder, 2024)

Breaking the Cycle

Overcoming social anxiety may seem overwhelming, but it’s absolutely possible with the right strategies and support!

1. Gradual Exposure: Facing our fear in small and manageable steps can desensitize us to the anxiety. Start with low-pressure scenarios, like making eye contact or saying hello to a stranger, and gradually work up to more challenging interactions.

2. Support Networks: Sharing your experiences with friends, family, or support groups that you trust, can help us feel less alone. Online communities and forums (ps: for example this one!) can also provide a safe space to connect with others who understand your struggles.

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practices like deep breathing and meditation, can help calm your body’s fight-or-flight response, making it easier to face social situations.

4. Professional Help: Professional can also be part of your social network! If social anxiety significantly impacts our life, seeking help from a psychologist or psychiatrist can be helpful. There are also helplines (the line may differ in different regions), most of them are available 24 hours a day. (Healthdirect Australia, 2024)

5. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Therapy would be a great way to build life skills that can benefit us in long run. CBT can help us identify and challenge negative thought patterns, replacing those with more balanced perspectives. For example, instead of thinking, “Everyone will laugh at me,” CBT encourages reframing it to, “Most people are too focused on themselves to judge me.

From Fear to Confidence

Looking back, I wish I could tell my younger self that it’s okay to feel scared—and that those feelings don’t define you. Overcoming social anxiety isn’t about becoming the loudest voice in the room; it’s about finding the courage to let your voice be heard.

Today, I speak in front of audiences, enjoy the occasional small talk with strangers, doing things that the younger me would have never imagined. The journey wasn’t easy, but every step forward was worth it.

If you’re struggling with social anxiety, remember that you’re not alone and that change is possible. With patience, perseverance, and support, you can break the fear and discover the confidence to live fully and authentically.

Your voice matters. Don’t let fear keep it hidden.

Reference:

Healthdirect Australia. (2024, May 21). Social anxiety disorder. Signs, Symptoms and Treatment | Healthdirect. https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/social-anxiety-disorder#resources

Social anxiety disorder. (2024, July 14). Yale Medicine. https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/social-anxiety-disorder

Stein, M. B., & Stein, D. J. (2008). Social anxiety disorder. The Lancet, 371(9618), 1115–1125. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0140-6736(08)60488-2